day fades, I sigh
my breath escapes me like air squeezed from a punctured tire
emptied of strength because I have put my hands to what has been asked of me
from a Father who knows how far I can run
He takes a moment for as long as I will listen
reviewing better steps to be made tomorrow
then filled fresh, like a tired water bottle ready to be placed in the fridge
and waiting till morning to be reused
for tomorrow, we run again!
Who knew recovery could be such a long road? And a better question, if knowing how long the road was when starting out, how differently would you live? Would it spark you towards greater diligence? Or would it have caused you to give up?
Praise God He only lets us know what we need to know and doesn’t show us the entire picture upfront!
So, choose today, persevere! Choose to walk out the path He has laid before us regardless of how we feel!
crawling skin and aching heart
darkest night has passed
and new days heat smiles freshly on my back
turn and stand firm to promise
hold tight to crimson truth
Hope burns within me for renewing life
Bursting forth as an unbearable river
Forcing me more and more to dream
And to let go of blockading fears
They will no longer hold me down
What is it that causes one to be depressed? To isolate? To hide?
So many answers. And the same multitude of answers for how to walk away from those issues. Having walked many paths of resturation that were nessasary for those seasons; from counseling and mentoring, to medication. All were seemingly nessasary for those times.
But, what does the long-term look like? What is the pathway to long-term health in those areas?
I can tell you with certainty what it isn’t. It is not introspection. It is not pulling away from leaders and friends.
This morning as I was journaling the Lord said to me very clearly, “serve others”. While those areas may and most likely will come up at various points for the rest of my life, a key to unlocking their power is serving. Being in a constant place of looking for how I can serve others. Asking the Lord, what is it You would have for me to do, or how can I be used to help others.
In endurance running when you just begin, you cannot immagine your 1st 13-mile run. However, you hear a direction from the Lord, and you continue. The same is true with these areas. His promise to us is a life that is abundant and free. So we can be sure, He gives us a direction for health, there is a payoff. We dont see it at first. But if we stick it out, we see we can run much further than we thought.
If you have been bound by depression or axiety in the past or presently, ask the Lord. What am I to do? Run that path.
Ask him, is serving others a key? He will answer.
Begin today, looking for who to serve and how to serve. Stick it out. You will see you can run further than you think.
A new me emerges from a cold and dismal night. Eyes widening to the vibrant rays of light that seem to dance and explode through the tree line I face. Stepping slowly and perhaps even pausing with each movement to be sure the next step is to be taken. I continue on, Shaken, but never giving up the pursuit of finding the path I seem to have lost.
My hands trembling as they remember the pain of loss and failure, and yet my heart seems to beat more strongly. So much, that it’s beating echoes, replacing the silence of my thoughts.
And there… in the echoing beat… and sprays of light… I remember.
untimid i stand amongst a thorn laden land
i resolve deeply
move as He moves
speak when He speaks
i will be the voice of His words and i will carry the love of His hands
my heart aches within me for change
and my mind, it dwells on His presence
my sights have never been so set as now
nor has my hope been so strong
for though i walk on unlevel grounds
I will be a light that will shine across the land
joy of life builds inside
expectancy and hope
richness of faith grows high
deepening and stretching
patience of process delights within
strengthening and emboldening
We as a people write, telling of who we are, and where are are, in hopes that someone reading can identify. Find hope. Believe.
Over months I have written, and journaled my journey… and now retracing entries and steps I can undoubtedly see where “hope” though being written of, was not so drenching within me as I thought. It was certainly to the degree that I did not give up. That I persevered. That I could see a brighter future.
However, is it true hope, that when truly shining in us illuminates all around? Or the typical “light at the end of the tunnel”?
I can say, positively things have changed. Maturity has grown. But with honesty, challenge is ever present. And yet, how different I feel.
God of hope, speak deeply to my heart of your love and purpose for me. I desire unspeakably, to honor you and pursue all it is that you have for me.