wonder and hope
fill me deep from within
like a billowing of smoke from a winters fire
faith in my father
standing ferm as stone
I grip tomorrow
and leave today
day fades, I sigh
my breath escapes me like air squeezed from a punctured tire
emptied of strength because I have put my hands to what has been asked of me
from a Father who knows how far I can run
He takes a moment for as long as I will listen
reviewing better steps to be made tomorrow
then filled fresh, like a tired water bottle ready to be placed in the fridge
and waiting till morning to be reused
for tomorrow, we run again!
… i feel so humbled beginning this year. It has been a year of triumph and victory born out of the most difficult of days. this year has been one of perseverance, easily.
Out of these ashes the Lord has brought about a… stronger than ever… feeling. ya know, it’s funny. although i am sure i am stronger than before, and much further along especially in the areas hope, perseverance, and faith, i feel… well, not the way i expected i would.
I do not feel weak, nor do i feel strong. however, i do feel a brilliance of confidence in where, when and how God has placed me.
The other night I woke up from a dream, where the Lord spoke something very clear to me.
“often we want to know every detail of where it is the Lord is calling us, when all He is wanting for us to go there.”
I believe that will be a word over this year for so many of us. one that will lead us to the victorious life we have been born for. shedding off the barriers of questions and fear to run with confidence.
one day i will have a room who’s walls are filled with canvas upon canvas. and who’s scent is of oak and acrylic. this room shall be the only one who knows the depth of my dreams. no ears shall hear but His, no heart shall delight as does mine but His as He watches my strokes become permanent reminders of the joy that must forever be hidden till the day when it finally explodes at the feet of my True Father as i lay them at His feet. then, shall my attempts be made perfect, and my incomplete, be completed. This day where no more ponder shall cross my brow, but only in fullness shall they lie upon my heart exposed for all to see the beauty hidden in His thoughts.
crawling skin and aching heart
darkest night has passed
and new days heat smiles freshly on my back
turn and stand firm to promise
hold tight to crimson truth
What is it that causes one to be depressed? To isolate? To hide?
So many answers. And the same multitude of answers for how to walk away from those issues. Having walked many paths of resturation that were nessasary for those seasons; from counseling and mentoring, to medication. All were seemingly nessasary for those times.
But, what does the long-term look like? What is the pathway to long-term health in those areas?
I can tell you with certainty what it isn’t. It is not introspection. It is not pulling away from leaders and friends.
This morning as I was journaling the Lord said to me very clearly, “serve others”. While those areas may and most likely will come up at various points for the rest of my life, a key to unlocking their power is serving. Being in a constant place of looking for how I can serve others. Asking the Lord, what is it You would have for me to do, or how can I be used to help others.
In endurance running when you just begin, you cannot immagine your 1st 13-mile run. However, you hear a direction from the Lord, and you continue. The same is true with these areas. His promise to us is a life that is abundant and free. So we can be sure, He gives us a direction for health, there is a payoff. We dont see it at first. But if we stick it out, we see we can run much further than we thought.
If you have been bound by depression or axiety in the past or presently, ask the Lord. What am I to do? Run that path.
Ask him, is serving others a key? He will answer.
Begin today, looking for who to serve and how to serve. Stick it out. You will see you can run further than you think.
A new me emerges from a cold and dismal night. Eyes widening to the vibrant rays of light that seem to dance and explode through the tree line I face. Stepping slowly and perhaps even pausing with each movement to be sure the next step is to be taken. I continue on, Shaken, but never giving up the pursuit of finding the path I seem to have lost.
My hands trembling as they remember the pain of loss and failure, and yet my heart seems to beat more strongly. So much, that it’s beating echoes, replacing the silence of my thoughts.
And there… in the echoing beat… and sprays of light… I remember.
Your work in my life, Father, feels all but bearable at times. And yet still, I refuse to run from Your calling.
My emotions, though at times drowning, do not direct me. You, in your unfading love remain constant.
If I were to be left alone in my sorrows, the deep thicket they have become would overtake me. But, I have not and I will not. And am all the more strengthened by You in these days.
Forget me not oh fading sunset, as you count to me your unending woes. For as morning rises and the last glimpse of midnight fades as it shall without doubt, I will be standing, stronger than before, and in arms for the new day.