“The difference between living well versus writing well is that writing requires me to face the fact that my first draft is a mess, needs significant editing, and requires much more honesty, depth, and passion… Am I ready to embrace the true meaning of my life and head to a wildly full ending?”
– Dan Allender, To Be Told
One truth I am now facing is the same as many have experienced in writing. We begin with a thesis, that often times by the end, or even midpoint of our studies, find it is wrong or off course in its trajectory.
When you begin your life with a perception, as I did, that you are misunderstood, all your life will be used fighting for people to “get” you. Or that you are mistreated, and living constantly on the defense of a battle you never had to fight. Or mischaracterized, and constantly rejecting the people who genuinly love you and have in fact characterized you correctly.
I cannot fully describe to you the feeling of this realization… perhaps partly because that description would still be biased by mal-perceived standards set in place from the age of four. Or perhaps because like a snow globe, I have been shaken… and am not sure where the “snow” will land or what scene will be depicted when all is settled.
But this I do know, I am not rejecting this time the One who is doing the shaking. I am not rebuking His hand as I have in times past as I have equated pain with demonic attack. As weird as it may be to consider, in light of my new understanding, more times than I am still aware have had opportunity to “embrace the true meaning of my life” and have not. Because again, I have equated things wrongly.
It is He who agitates our pristine self-induced belief set to reveal Truth.
I AM ready to embrace the true meaning of my life and head to a wildly full ending