innocence | ˈinəsəns | noun – lack of guile or corruption; purity

There was a day when I wasn’t afraid. I remember a day when I thought everyone liked me, that my art was an expression of me that wasn’t going to be judged. A day when I didn’t feel as though failure was an inevitable result. Teachers liked me. I was honest.

But, this changed as I slowly I became more and more self-aware. I remember when a teacher told me my art was not up to standards (age 7). The day I realized I liked music when the other guys my age were onto baseball (8). The day I realized I weighed more than most others my age, easily by 20-30 lbs (age 11). The day I realized there was a “popular” group, and I wasn’t in it (age 12).

I would say that I do not suffer from the residuals of these particulars, however, I do assuredly believe I suffer from over self-awareness; which in essence is pride.

If innocence is a lack of guile or corruption, a return to innocence would then entail more than a simple renouncing of trespasses. I believe for me, it would significantly be marked by a digression from self-awareness and a much greater consciousness of Him, and who in fact He says I am.


2 thoughts on “ˈinəsəns

  1. I would lie to offer these thoughts for your consideration…you indicate that you “suffer from self-awareness” and I would say awareness is a gift! I would encourage you to prepare an appropriate response to those voices from the past that you say made you more self aware. How would you respond in love and kindness today, were those same words offered to you. You decide whether to allow those words to carry weight or roll off your back. You decide who the authorities are in your life. You are innocent, not by lack of corruption, but by grace given. You cannot work your way to it.

  2. Stoney,

    As I was reading this I began to think more about the definition of Innocence. What it truly means to be innocent having no impurities or corruption. Then I realized that the terminology here is wrong. When we are born into this world we are not innocent (as we are born into a world full of corruption and impurity) rather we are born ignorant to our surroundings and to the ways of the world. Ignorant is not always a negative word and in this case I think it’s a good thing. It is not until we begin to go through life that we start to become self-aware, as you mentioned. Slowly but surely our ignorance is no longer there and we fully begin to understand the type of world we live in and how it can affect us. I believe the enemy takes those moments of self-awareness and tries to manipulate us, telling us we are unworthy and that we do not matter. But the Lord is merciful and gracious. He knew from the beginning that this day would come and He would be there for us. To lift us up and encourage us. When we accept the gift of salvation that Jesus offers to us, we instantly become Innocent in the eyes of the Lord. No longer are we under the corruption of this world. No longer are we bound to its impurities. Of course that is not to say that we will not experience troubled times. But now we have a better vantage point then the rest of the world, for we are both self-aware and innocent at the same time. We have the freedom to see ourselves for who we are and what we are, but have the hope that someday we will stand before our creator and here the words, “you are innocent before my eyes.”
    So I think that you do not need to digress from self-awareness but rather use it to your advantage. Say to the enemy, “look what the Lord has done in my life.” Point out all of those self-aware times, when you recognize that you are nothing and that the Lord is everything. By doing this you will being to decrees, the Lord will increase and then enemy will flee.

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