trust; a bridge that must be crossed
Trust is an issue I seem to repeatedly fall short with. Regardless of how many people in my life have lead me well, or loved me beyond what is expected, I seem to always lose trust in them at one point or another. The most tragic outcome being that I may attempt to cut them off completely, or at least try for a season.
How is this? Failure I experienced from my brother? Seems as though I would have resolved a majority of those issues long ago… father wound? Wouldn’t think so. On more than one occasion I’ve had people bring up the father wound card, trying to convince me there was some debilitating trauma; and for a season, I even tried to believe it. But, I have seen that simply just is not true. All the evidence points to a loving father, appropriately protective and caring. Sure mistakes along the way, who’s perfect? But certainly not the presumed infractions of fatherhood one would assume to exist in one who deals with such issues as I.
So what then is this breech of trust that has brought such impoverishment in many of my relationships?
My view of the Lord… somewhere it seems must be off. Somewhere in the mix of all this life, I cannot fully grasp that my Father, through and through cares madly about me… This disbelief to whatever degree does exist, bleeds deeply into every are of my life. So where trust is meant to be a crossing over from glory to glory, somehow, an impeding force stands in its place.
So again, this entry is not rara avis to any others on this page, in that I do not have completed answers; questions that necessitate response.